Excerpt from #RS : Reeva Steenkamp

An excerpt from the chapter…


I think Reeva was scarred and thus naive when it came to love, same as Oscar was. Their idea of love was like being in a dream, you have to close your eyes to the world in order to dream…and especially dreams of love…

But as most of us eventually – hopefully – realize, love is that most vital area where you need to be most awake.  Love in the romantic sense may seem the most like dreaming, and may feel that way, but much of those feelings aren’t real.  True love is work.  True love is a shared project, it is DOING things together.  And you can’t do anything with your eyes closed.   photo

 That romantic immaturity, given a cocktail of glitz, glamour, money and media, is a recipe for a disaster of monumental proportions.  It means not only tightrope walking with your eyes closed, while your own ghosts and demons come to the surface, but putting up a brave face to sell to the world, and your partner.  There are three-too many balls being juggled there….

Reeva’s attachment to the idea of being in love meant finding somebody to nurture and heal.  By the act of healing Oscar, she could also heal herself.  And considering her financial stresses, perhaps she thought that partnering with Oscar could provide a better life. 

On 8 February 2013, less than a week before her death, Reeva posted this haunting image to Instagram:

reeva instagram

“…breathing in some fresh air and chatting about life…”

Yes, contemplating the tree of life…and how to rise above her raising.  And how and when and who to have children with and to raise herself.

The tree is what connects the Earth to the Heavens, and Reeva was contemplating her connections…and where they could take her. 

But look carefully…what you see is not one tree, but several…and only one (on the left) is catching the sunlight.  Meanwhile the tree on the right, Oscar’s, has become tall and dark and has begun to blot out the sky….

reeva beach

I think the possibility of finding somebody who needed her as much as she needed him was exhilarating.  They ran in the same circles and were moving in the same direction.  But that kind of luminous possibility will quickly dim when your stars are not aligned with the right person… or worse, you find yourself with a dangerous person.  Although June would like to believe her daughter had not been intimate with Oscar, there are many signs that tell a different story…


Available on Amazon, November 20, 2014





I Lived… #RS

ballerina on beach

Hope when you take that jump,
You don’t fear the fall.
Hope when the water rises,
You built a wall.

Hope when the crowd screams out
It’s screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love
And it hurts so bad
The only way you can know
You give it all you have

And I hope that you don’t suffer
But take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say

I…..i I did it all
I…..i I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days
But they all add up
And when that sun goes down
Hope you raise your cup
Oh, oh

I wish that I could witness
All your joy
And all your pain
But until my moment comes
I’ll say

I…i.I did it all
I…i.I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh

With every broken bone
I swear I lived
With every broken bone
I swear I

I….I did it all
I….I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah with every broken bone
I swear I lived

Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh
I swear I lived
Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh





[#RS SLIDESHOW] I Dreamed a Dream…

Today is a wonderful day for all of mankind. For the first time ever, we landed a space probe on a moving comet… truly a mind-blowing feat and a dream come true, not only for the scientists involved, but for all of us too. The profound significance of this is that we are going back to our roots, as far as we possibly can, to study our creation.

The best way to move forward is to understand where we have been

The incredible irony in all of this happening today is that Nick and I are just wrapping up our book, #RS. Being true to ourselves, it has been a heartfelt exploration of our dreams and the dreams of the world… the ones that we have realized and the ones that we have not… yet! All of it done in honor of Reeva and in honor of the dreams that she did not get to complete. So today we acknowledge both the darkest and the brightest parts of life… The end and the beginning

Never forget to dream…

and never forget to DO

And never let your dreams… just be dreams.




An Open Letter to Arnold Pistorius and Family

Pistorius family

On October 21st, after Judge Masipa let the world know that 5 years would be a sufficient punishment for the loss of Reeva’s life, Uncle Arnold let the world know that on behalf of his family, he would “address us for the last time”.

How do we feel about their statement?…

Judgejudi, a great friend in justice on the Websleuths forum, has heard his message and felt compelled to share her own…


We the people of South Africa and people of the world did not accept the court’s judgement. The State is now appealing Oscar’s conviction and sentence. Accept this as fact. We embrace this opportunity for justice to not only be done but seen to be done. Accept that the court of appeal will not be influenced by the crying, vomiting and general histrionics demonstrated by Oscar in the court a quo.

You complained that the trial was being televised. This decision was made by a judge who said, “Court proceedings are in fact public and this objective must be recognized”. The defence legal team fiercely opposed it, saying it would infringe on Oscar’s right and distort proceedings, yet they failed to appeal the judge’s ruling. You and your family reveled in the media attention when he was a famous athlete. He courted the media in order to gain hugely lucrative sponsorships. Celebrities use every opportunity to use the media for financial gains, but that comes at a price and that price is privacy. Once he fell from grace, you emphatically denied every article relating to his misdeeds. Unfortunately, you can’t run with the fox and hunt with the hounds.

You asked the media and public to accept Judge Masipa’s judgement. Perhaps you will be gracious enough to accept another court’s findings.
This has been an incredibly hard and painful process for everyone, the Steenkamp family, your family, the people of South Africa and the general public worldwide. It is now time for Oscar to embrace this opportunity to pay back to society.

We are all emotionally drained. The case that was originally set down for 3 weeks has dragged out for 7 months due to the mendacity, deceitfulness and snowball of lies told by Oscar coupled with virtually all the defence witnesses who were either biased, grossly incompetent or in fact not experts at all.

You criticised the State for trying to find Oscar guilty of premeditated murder and the collateral damage caused by that persistence. The State was endeavouring to find the truth and prove that he was guilty of murder. The “collateral damage” as you call it, was due to his persistence in lying and changing his version several times.

One of the most distressful parts for Reeva’s family and the public throughout this whole trial was the refusal by Oscar and the defence to be truthful, honest and transparent with the court.

We too hope that Oscar will start his own healing process. Now he’s unable to yield to temptation and recklessness, perhaps as a family you can support and guide him as he serves his sentence.

You live in the Rainbow Nation, and somewhere over the rainbow dreams really can come true. If this is so, justice will prevail not only for Reeva but for all the women of South Africa.



Excerpt from Transcendence


Earlier this week, Nick van der Leek and I recorded a Skype conversation in which we discussed our motivations for writing the ebook, TRANSCENDENCE. This is the 6th ebook in the Oscar murder trial series.


Four months ago, what initially began as trial conversation between the two of us grew in to a much deeper examination of what is happening to the world around us, and how injustices have affected our own personal lives… and we were angry. Just like many of you have become angered by the outcome of this trial.

This book, as well as the next two, are not intended to be a summary of the court case. Instead, they are heartfelt conversations about what we have lost and what we have gained along the way. We hope that you will share in this journey with us. To listen to our audio, click here:


We’d also like to offer an excerpt from the book. This chapter is titled 8 Perplexing Perspectives. In this passage, Nick is discussing his feelings about the suggestion (during the sentencing hearing) that Oscar should receive community service at the local museum:

In September, during an interview I gave with JacarandaFM, and on a few occasions in RESURRECTION and REVELATIONS, I’ve pointed out how mendacity leads to inversions of a narrative. I mentioned that Reeva’s screams become Oscar’s, Reeva’s voice also becomes Oscar’s, light turns to darkness, and perpetrator becomes victim. Instead of the criminal being the criminal, the policeman (Botha) is the real villain. He shot Reeva, not Oscar. Or it’s the media’s fault. Or it’s a disorder. Or it’s a muddle of versions.

Or it’s nothing more than Mendacity.

The natural end to these inversions must be that when it comes to sentencing, if the judge has dug herself a hole (and in our view she has), then she must see these inversions through to their logical end.

What would be more ironic than sentencing Oscar to a few hours a month cleaning the floors of a museum which still carries the old name of the Apartheid Province – the Transvaal Museum? And perhaps in cleaning the grime and dust from the floor, might see himself reflected, carrying Reeva, seeing her blood drip again and again on every wiped surface. No matter how many times he cleans those surfaces, the blood stains remain. Why? Because in court, did he ever really take responsibility for his disgraceful act?

Was his responsibility ever right, in the sense of sincere, and true? They say the walls talk, but so can the floor, and the weight of one’s own shadow and reflection under one’s feet.

So what may seem a shockingly inappropriate sentence, may, in the scheme of things, and in a specific sense, be wholly appropriate. I do not mean to suggest, even for a moment, that Reeva’s life and the horrific loss of it can be measured against a few sessions of mopping the floor. Obviously it cannot, and obviously nothing but the maximum sentence (45 years) would do the loss of her life real justice.

But when I see the Olympic champion, darling of the world’s media, symbol of hope, hero to the all, grounded to a dirty floor, mopping it up, even for a day, I see a bottom to his fall. And perhaps a bottom from which he will never fully arise again.

It is difficult to imagine, someone with the sense of entitlement and prestige of Oscar (his name itself feels puffed up, and strutting like a penguin) reduced to the vocations of South Africa’s lowliest employed citizens. The domestic workers. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. Washing dishes. Cleaning up the scum and picking up the offal left by white collar workers on their way through the mezzanine level… I know exactly what’s it’s like because when I was 26/27 I worked for about 6 months as a kitchen porter – basically at a minimum wage – in the kitchens of Berkshire, England, during my sojourn in Maidenhead [circa 1998].

More likely, Oscar himself will find this more difficult than his days in court.

In short, all these fucked up inversions will reach their bottom here, and perhaps then for the first time, Oscar may begin to feel our outrage. He may also feel his own outrage, the outrage that led to the events of 14 February 2013, rising undiluted through his marrows once more. He will have to stand there and sweep them, day by day, through the carpet-less halls of a museum that might as well be a mausoleum to all of history’s injustices.

Oscar, even for a limited time, might be the custodian, the janitor, of that. A man who spreads films of water over the footprints and dusty residues of others, and erases them. A man who takes films of clear water, and soap, and collects the grime of society into a bucket. And then watches his floor fill up with more prints, more dust…

Sheer prison time, where one must face the cement walls in quiet contemplation of one’s vile acts (and perhaps, one’s vile self) also seems wholly appropriate. A harsh punishment for what appears now to have been brutal, pitiless, self-reinforcing behavior.

Nel was also at pains to stress today that Hartzenberg may be more than a little biased in her assessment of a wholly remorseful Oscar.

“Is a person involved in a court case, a serious court case…serious and remorseful…when on his own version he became intoxicated…involved in an altercation…during the course of the trial.” Nel asked Hartzenberg words to this effect.

I was also gratified to see Nel using my own aspersion – that culpable homicide is typically the lot of reckless drivers. Nel used this as his example, to differentiate the intent of a driver recklessly or accidentally hitting someone, in the randomness of a road environment, compared to a person arming himself in the confines of his own home, with a weapon that he has received weapons training on (including how to use it to deadly effect on a firing range) approaching danger and then firing it (for all intents and purposes) successfully.

And the answer is, well, if one is taking one’s own culpability seriously, one will make an absolute effort to control one’s conduct. Of course, if the crime was committed out of a sense of entitlement, and needing to perpetuate one’s selfish whims, then going clubbing and misbehaving in the middle of one’s own criminal trial (in which one denies culpability) fits perfectly.

So what is it that we, society want?

Do we wish to put Oscar behind the same door, and take turns firing shots through it until he is dead? We could do that, but that would make us no less barbaric than the criminal. In another age he might have been tied to the door and strung up.

Of course, we’re a far more civilized society. We forgive our murderers, and rapists. We do not deny them the right to murder and rape our fellow citizens once more. We respect their rights and entitlements to be rehabilitated, and criminals (both in and out of jail) also respect and admire us for our absolutely fucked up system. You want to be a victim? You want us to be the wolves, and you the helpless sheep, well then ignore and forget what we do, and forgive us our trespasses so we can do it again.

Revenge may be uncivilized, but we live in an uncivilized society. Why is it that Muslim countries like Malaysia and have such exceedingly low crime rates? Because there are real consequences to crimes. You steal, your hand gets cuts off. It works. In South Africa, you murder, and you get a slap on the wrist. It doesn’t work.

Retribution is quite different. Ulrich Roux mentioned tonight (on the Oscar Trial Channel) that crime hurts, but restorative justice heals. Retribution is when the mythic scales of justice in the sky are basically rehung and rebalanced accordingly. It may be a combination of money, community service, and jail time, but whatever the mix, there is a combination that may feel appropriate. In my opinion, and I hope I am not a little wrong, but very wrong, Masipa will misapply the retribution aspect as well. House arrest, and community service.

The alternative, sending Oscar to jail, is abhorrent. Because it would be dooming him. Well, it is no different to what Oscar did to Reeva, and at least in theory, it is the least Oscar could (and should do). Many on social media (and myself included) feel Oscar deserves the harshest possible sentence. And yet the court appears to be leaning in the opposite direction – to find excuses for the most lenient possible sentence.

The great error here (if it is an error, and the odds are that this ‘error’ is bought, rather than innocent) is that we have lost sight of the victim. What was the value of her lost life, not the value of the criminal’s? Because in seeing the value of her lost life, we give not only her – Reeva – a voice. We give ourselves one too.

Oscar Updates




Oscar Pistorius was heard weeping inconsolably during his first night in prison.




A source close to the Pistorius family said his legal bill now stands at R17.5 million, and about R10 million is still outstanding.


In a joint interview with husband Barry in the London Times, June said she believed that her daughter knew “in her heart of hearts” that she would not be happy with the volatile and “combustible” double amputee and had decided to end the affair.


The Department of Social Development is seeking legal opinion on the matter of the probation officer employed by the State, Annette Vergeer, who also offered private services to the defence team in the recently ended Oscar Pistorius case.


Carl Pistorius Dodged Charge


TRANSCENDENCE reached #8 on Amazon this weekend. Thank you to those who purchased it!

Follow us on Twitter: